Moonlight upon the Sea - Chapter One

Chapter One

October 2018

Ash feared the sea.

The waters, deep and pressing, spreading for miles. Stretching to the horizon, where the waves disappeared into the sky. Days where the sunlight glinted bright off the surface. Nights where the stars bathed it in gentle light. He imagined that if he were floating in the middle of the ocean underneath the moon, it would paint him in opalescence. He would look pretty while he drowned.

He feared the knowledge that something that big, that vast, that endless could pull him under and erase him.

Having feelings for Tayshia Cole was like drowning.

October tripped over itself on its way to Halloween. The rain continued unabated, pooling in the divots and potholes on the roads and drowning the grass outside. It got to the point where sometimes, Ash would wake to the sound of it and think the world was flooding.

It felt like his world had already gone under.

He and Tayshia had never talked about the memory, choosing instead to speak as little as possible. There was a certain dynamic that had cropped up between the two and because of it, Ash wasn’t quite sure how to act around her. It wasn’t like they’d talked before but now, it was even more difficult. Tayshia didn’t avoid him in the apartment, but she was so dead silent that it felt like the silence sucked the air out of his lungs when she was around.

Ash had stopped bothering her about her dishes, finding that it was best if he just cleaned them himself. Tayshia stopped yelling at him when he did, even though he saw her shooting him wary looks when he was arms-deep in soapy dishwater.

The routine didn’t remain trapped inside the apartment.

In Myths & Legends, having her be so stone-faced made everything more difficult. They didn’t sit next to one another but since she’d gotten along so well with Ji Hyun, she liked to sit next to her. And given that Ash and Ji Hyun sat at the same table every day, it was a bit awkward working together on classwork when Tayshia and Ash weren’t talking.

The fact that she wouldn’t let him in past the metaphorical wall she’d put up between them was the only reason why he hadn’t beaten the living shit out of Kieran yet. He didn’t need anything to make things worse and he knew how delicate the situation was.

Once he got a chance to talk to her, Kieran was dead. Easy enough.

Until then, he settled for watching her like a hawk.

In the apartment, in the cafeteria, in class, in the hallways. No matter where they were, if they were in the same vicinity, Ash watched her. No one ever tried to come near her or bother her, however it made Ash feel useful to watch, just in case.

Kieran kept his distance at lunch, usually sticking to other tables or not showing up at all. He’d surround himself with other friends while Tayshia stuck to the same spot she always sat in. Usually, she was flanked by other students and friends. Sometimes Elijah sat with her, but that seemed to be only on the days where she ate a lot. He always brought her something to eat.

Annoying.

Ash noticed things about her that he hadn’t noticed before.

Aside from the bizarre way her eating habits swung from separating colors on her plate to eating everything in sight, she bounced her leg under the table. He saw it one day when no one sat across from her. On the days where she separated her food, she took measured bites, chewing slowly. On the days where she ate everything, she practically inhaled the food and left immediately after.

But she was safe, so long as he kept his eyes on her.

That’s what mattered to him right now.

As the weeks of October faded away and Halloween crept closer, Ash found that he hated how much she’d frozen him out. When he went to sleep at night, he still dreamed of her, but sometimes it felt like his subconscious went to war with the dreams. Like normal, unassuming dreams were having to fight off not only her daily play-by-plays every night but also the memories of her attack.

He just wished she would talk to him about it.

On Monday the 29th, he walked a few yards behind Tayshia in the hallway to Myths & Legends. She was walking slower than usual, hugging her books to her chest and staring at the ground. It was unlike her, but it seemed like she was tired. He wasn’t surprised by that, as she’d been exercising in her bedroom every morning and night for the past four days straight.

He could hear her counting.

As she neared the door, he sped up and reached past her, crowding her as he held it open for her.

She looked up at him. “Huh? Oh...thanks.”

“Yeah.”

She walked past him, her shoulder brushing his chest. He caught a whiff of her scent, finding familiarity in it that he hadn’t noticed before. She wore a new perfume that smelled like gardenias. It had a bold aroma, floral yet woody.

Not that he needed that reminder right now.

When she got into class, instead of walking to her normal seat at their table towards the middle of the room, Tayshia took a seat in the far back corner table. She pulled out her materials like she usually did, but she looked drawn. She’d taken her weave out recently, leaving her with her natural curls, which were kinky and spiraled out of the top of her head to her chest. Today, they were piled on top of her head. She wore a giant black hoodie, the sleeves nearly swallowing her fingers. She looked exhausted.

He didn’t know whether or not he should tell her that she’d accidentally pulled his hoodie out of the dryer that morning.

Ash sat down in his normal seat beside Ji Hyun, fighting the urge to stare at Tayshia more than he probably should have. He knew it was creepy—that he wasn’t even trying to be subtle—but his mind and body were in a tailspin right now. All he could think about was the memory. It was burned into his brain, a trauma in its own right, and it made him feel like he was falling apart.

He wanted to be there for her but she wouldn’t let him, so all he could do was watch her.

“Hey,” Ji Hyun said as she sank down into the seat beside him, dragging the word out in a sympathetic manner.

“Hey.”

“Are you doing all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, giving her a strange look. “Are you?”

“I’m great,” she said, smiling. “It feels like it’s been weeks since we’ve talked.”

“What?” His head pulled back. “I have two classes with you and see you five days a week.”

“Yeah, but I mean like, outside of school. Things are so weird with you right now. I can tell.”

“They’re not weird.”

“Have you fixed things with Elijah?”

“I don’t want to talk about Elijah,” he replied. They hadn’t spoken since the conversation in the hallway. Ash maintained that out of sheer loyalty, Elijah should not have gone into the nurse’s office. Ash’s stomach roiled with anger whenever he thought about it.

It seemed to be Elijah’s sentiment that he owed Ash nothing.

“You seem distracted.”

“I am distracted,” Ash said, pulling out his notebook and pencil for the inevitable lecture that Miss Iqbal would be giving them when she arrived. “By you, right now, with your dramatics.”

Fully expecting her to lash out at him, he was stunned when her response was to smirk.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t bother you with them. I should bother you with my theory, though.”

“What theory?” he said, turning to narrow his eyes down at her.

“Oh, just your little crush.” Ji Hyun rested her elbow on the table, propping her chin on her hand. With her pen, she scratched absentminded circles onto her notebook paper.

“I don’t have a crush,” he said. “What are you talking about?”

“Ash, come on.” Ji Hyun rolled her eyes, grinning. “You can’t think I’m that stupid.”

“I do think you’re stupid. I think you’re stupid and wrong.”

“Or maybe you’re just super bad at hiding the way you feel, dumbass. You ever think about that?” She gestured to the door with her pen. “Look—Miss Iqbal’s here.”

Miss Iqbal strode in with her curly black hair fluttering behind her, starting that day’s lecture with something new. Since it was almost Halloween, she wanted to show them all some myths about ghosts from all over the world. Then, she wanted them all to talk to their table members about ghost stories they knew from Crystal Springs or from home. Ash felt relieved. Any day where there was no lecture was a good day in his opinion.

During the classwork portion of the period, Ash thought he was going to lose it. Ji Hyun wouldn’t stop smirking at him, even while they were sharing their stories. He was about ready to throttle her.

Miss Iqbal wandered from table to table, drifting to a stop in front of Tayshia’s. She was by herself that day—no one had sat beside her. She stared absentmindedly at the tabletop, like she either didn’t know no one was there or she was too tired to care.

“Hi, Tayshia,” Miss Iqbal said, smiling down at her. “You didn’t want to sit with Ash and Ji Hyun today?”

Tayshia slowly dragged her gaze up to meet the teacher’s. She blinked, appearing puzzled.

“Mm—what? Oh. Oh, no. Not today.”

“All right,” Miss Iqbal said. “How come?”

Tayshia responded after a strange delay. “I forgot.”

“Oh, okay.” Miss Iqbal nodded slowly, but it was clear she was confused. “Well, I suppose it’s all right for you to skip today’s classwork. Are you well? Do you need to see Nurse Pri—”

“No!” Tayshia cried, her eyes widening. Her hands fidgeted in her lap. “I mean—no. No, I’m just tired.”

“All right. Well, if you’re not feeling well, feel free to go see her at any time during class.” She started to turn, then stopped. “Did you ever get around to finishing up your essay on Irish fey? Why don’t you take some time to work on that and turn it in to me at the end of class.”

“Okay.”

Ash and Ji Hyun exchanged glances.

“What’s wrong with her?” Ji Hyun whispered. “I’ve been texting her like crazy, but she barely ever responds.”

She’d relived what was most likely the worst night of her life. Of course there was something wrong.

So Ash just shrugged.

“Oh my gosh, I never told you!” Ji Hyun gasped, pulling Ash’s attention to her. “Remember how I told you my grandparents wanted me to come visit?”

“In Korea? Yeah.”

“Yes, so I forgot to tell you that I got my tickets already! My mom was...”

Ash sat and listened with half of his brain working as Ji Hyun launched into the whole story of how she was going to South Korea for Christmas, but all he could think about was Tayshia.

In the last fifteen minutes or so of class, while everyone was buzzing with excitement to either go home or go to their next class, Tayshia got up and walked to Miss Iqbal’s desk. She had a few sheets of notebook paper with her.

“It’s just my rough draft,” she said, her voice carrying to where Ash could hear. “I can take it home and type it if you want.”

“You know what? That’s okay,” Miss Iqbal said, smiling up at Tayshia. “I’ll take the rough draft as is and mark you full credit. Thank you, Tayshia. I hope you feel better, honey.”

“Thank you,” Tayshia said with a small, faint smile. Looking distracted, she turned and walked back, her gaze cast to the floor.

As she returned to her seat, Ash noticed that the way she was walking was a bit strange. It was almost like she was swaying, or listing towards the left...

Just like all those weeks ago, when she slammed into the table in the restaurant on her birthday, Tayshia held the heel of her palm to her temple and knocked into the corner of Ash’s side of the table. Her feet caught on themselves and she pitched forward.

It was like second nature.

Ash’s left arm shot out, wrapping around the front of her midsection. An oof escaped her lips as she fell into the crease, and he placed his right hand on the left side of her waist to stabilize her. Everyone was staring at them as though she’d just sprouted wings, but for a moment—as she looked at him from underneath her curly bangs with a mortified expression—it felt like they were the only two in the room.

“Good?” he murmured.

“I’m fine. Let go of me.”

He did. She sprung upright lightning fast. Ash turned in his chair to watch her go back to her seat. The pitter-patter of her shoes against the floor provided the backdrop to Miss Iqbal’s concern from the front of the room.

“I’m okay, Miss Iqbal,” Tayshia said, and the chipper tone of her voice didn’t seem to match the way her hands trembled.

Beside Ash, Ji Hyun cleared her throat.

“What?” he drawled. “What sort of guy would I be if I let her fall?”

“You wouldn’t be Ash Robards,” Ji Hyun said, and her tone was almost fearful. It drew Ash’s gaze and when their eyes met, he was shocked to see that she looked worried. “You’ve always been the protective kind of guy when it calls for it.”

“Uh, no. No, I haven’t,” Ash spluttered, on the verge of laughter. “Have you lost your mind?”

“The time you punched that kid for looking up my skirt at that party?”

“I was literally drunk. I had—”

Ji Hyun cut him off. “Remember sophomore year? At the skate park? That creepy guy? He said something to me about my chest. You shoved him.”

“Nah, come on.” He tilted his head back and slightly to the side, looking down his nose at her. “You’re kidding. That’s not being protective. That’s just respect.”

“You walked me to class every day for three weeks straight because I told you I thought I had a stalker.”

“I did not—”

“If I set her up with Andre’s weed dealer right now, what would you do? Like, if I texted him and said she was down to fuck, what would you do?”

Ash was torn between falsely claiming he and Tayshia were married, or simply passing away. He rearranged his bewildered facial expression into one that was as smooth as a painting.

“Nothing.”

Ji Hyun reached for her phone, plucking it off of the table. She typed in the passcode, raising one eyebrow.

“Ji Hyun, I’m serious. Are you serious?”

“I’m dead serious.” She opened the texting app.

A panic spiked inside of him—one that he couldn’t place the origin of—and he fixed her with a ferocious, blazing glare.

“If you text him, I swear to God I’ll fucking—”

“Why, Ash,” Ji Hyun said, challenge woven in her voice. “That’s awfully overprotective of you.”

Around them, several students were getting up to leave early. Ash ignored them, knowing that to break eye contact with Ji Hyun was to admit defeat.

Ji Hyun smirked. “If you admit you feel protective over little Miss Tayshia Cole, then I won’t text him. And you know he’d be all in on that.”

“I don’t like Tayshia.”

“Did I say the word ‘like’ anywhere in that sentence? I said protective.”

“I fucking hate you, you know that?”

“Yes.” Her smirk returned. “And I know you. I know how you hyper-focus and try to fix everything. You seem to think there’s something in her that needs fixing. Now, admit it.”

“Fine,” he snarled, teeth gritted. “I’m keeping an eye on her. Happy?”

“Delighted,” she said, setting her phone down. “But concerned.”

“Stay concerned.”

“Or you can tell me what’s going on.”

“All right,” he said in a tone that dripped with sarcasm, “I will, if you tell me why you’re so obsessed with me."

“Bye.” She held up a hand in his face and turned to the front. “I’m done.”

“Of course you’re done.”

“No,” she said, raising her voice a bit. “No, I’m done. I’m not obsessed with you.”

“Of course you’re done. You always check out the minute I win.”

“No, this has nothing to do with—”

“It has everything to do with—”

Just then, Miss Iqbal standing up from her desk to do a closing announcement silenced them both.

Ash tried his best to pay attention but he found it difficult. Ji Hyun seemed so sure that he at least cared about Tayshia enough to want to keep her safe. Which he did.

So, yeah.

He was a little overprotective. He knew it was improbable for the man who attacked Tayshia to ever cross paths with her again, but it didn’t stop him from feeling on edge. Sometimes, he wondered if maybe it would be easier to stop denying the fact that he’d had her on his mind in some way since that night in the amethyst caverns. If it might be easier to just embrace whatever it was that drew him to her. At least then, he wouldn’t have to watch over her from afar.

He could just be there for her.