Starlight on the Snow - Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

The rain began to fall.

The droplets were light—the sort that Ash couldn’t feel unless he brushed them with his fingertips. The sort that rolled like tears down his cheeks. All around them, turning the sidewalk from light grey to dark, staining the street shiny and black. Though it was dark outside, the reflection of the moon against the wet pavement caused the sky to look like it was glowing. It felt like a different world, one made of starlight.

Tayshia stood before them like a small animal illuminated by the streetlight. She looked like herself yet somehow, she looked like a person who couldn’t claim her own name. A person who couldn’t be the same girl that had screamed and fought with him in the kitchen last night.

The way she wrung her hands, the pigeon-toed way she stood, the way her feathered brows came together on her forehead to map out her anxiety.

It was out of character.

“Is Kieran cheating on me?” she asked again, her voice strong and sure in spite of her stance.

Elijah and Ash exchanged glances, the former giving Ash a look that told him it didn’t matter what he wanted. She already knew and if she didn’t, she was hurt anyway.

Ash threw his hands up in resignation, shaking his head.

“Yes. He is,” Elijah said.

A blank look materialized on Tayshia’s face and she frowned, casting her gaze downward. She wrung her hands again, fingers twisting around her wrists and the backs of her palms. The silence felt as thick as the humidity.

“With—with who? Do you know?”

Ash turned his face away. He wasn’t going to say anything. It wasn’t his business and he hadn’t wanted to get involved. Somehow, he’d tricked himself into thinking he wanted to and now—standing here, watching her sway like a confused willow branch as she tried to make sense of everything—he felt trapped.

“Does it matter?” Elijah said. “All that matters is it’s true. And—and if you don’t believe us, well...ask Ji Hyun.”

“Ji Hyun knows?” She sounded crestfallen.

“Yeah. Kieran’s not exactly—”

“Subtle,” Ash muttered.

“Yeah.” Elijah sighed. “Look, if you want me to talk to him, then I will. I’ve got no problem—” Ash shot him a sharp, curious look but he continued, “—talking to him for you. You don’t even have to say another word to him if you don’t want to. I can—”

“I think she knows how to handle her business, Elijah,” Ash said, keeping his gaze trained upon his friend. “It’s not like it’s ours, is it?”

A tense charge ramped up between them, like a swirling electrical storm, but Tayshia didn’t seem to notice it.

“When did this happen?” she asked.

“Does it matter?” Ash said. “Kieran’s straight trash. Throw him away and get with someone else. Be glad you never gave him what he wanted.”

At this, both Tayshia and Elijah’s gazes found him, and he realized he may have said too much.

Because how would he know that unless he’d been watching her, obsessing over her and analyzing her life?

Tayshia hung her head.

“Yes, I—I guess I should just...text him and end it,” she said in a soft voice. “That way, I don’t have to speak to him again.”

“Good idea,” Elijah said. “I know you guys have been together since like, the dawn of time...but I’m sorry.”

Tayshia nodded in a numb way. A far cry from the girl who had single-handedly kept her father from dying with his blood all over her hands, the Tayshia that stood before them looked lost. Like she didn’t quite know what to do next. Ash watched her for a moment, watched her metaphorically folding in on herself, and he found it disturbing.

She was hurt. It was understandable that she’d want to fall apart.

Why in front of them?

In front of him?

He thought back to the first day they’d moved in together. Where was that girl? The feisty girl who marched down to the leasing office to immediately try and get away from him? The girl who had said, “If you don’t get on my bad side, Ash, I won’t get on yours. The only way this is going to work for this lease is if you recognize and understand that we don’t have to be anything—enemies or friends. You’re nothing to me and as long as you don’t piss me off, I won’t become something to you.”

This girl was the one he’d heard screaming in the nightmare.

“Let’s go home,” Ash said. “We shouldn’t stand out here in the rain.”

Elijah nodded. “If it rains any harder, we’ll all be soaked. We’ll walk you back. Oh, and here.”

He handed Tayshia the plastic bag.

“I was gonna actually put the candy into the gift bag and sign the card, but you look like you could use some cheering up right now. Happy birthday.”

Tayshia took it and looked inside. Her lips curled up. “Wow, Elijah. Thank you so much. That was really nice of you.”

She stretched an arm upward and rose onto the tips of her toes to hug him. The way Elijah wrapped his arms around her in a full-body hug irked Ash for some reason. He wasn’t sure if it was because he still didn’t know how Elijah and Tayshia had become friends or not.

Ash wondered what was going through Elijah’s mind, and what his intentions were. Did he like Tayshia? Was this cheating fiasco some sort of opportunity for him?

Something similar to discomfort twisted in the pit of his stomach, swirling like the drowning waters that plagued his mind.

The thought of Elijah and Tayshia together was just as awful as the sight of her with Kieran. Elijah was his best friend, but for Tayshia? He was just...wrong. Tayshia would run him ragged. He wouldn’t be able to keep up.

Damn.

Why did it bother him so much?

Art by Meialoue

“I wanted to be good enough.”

Ash and Elijah’s footsteps slowed to a stop. Heart pounding, Ash was the first to turn back around.

Tayshia still stood bathed in the glow of the streetlight, the lantern washing her in an orangish glow faded by the grey haze of the rain. She’d only made it three steps, it seemed, before she’d stopped. They were all yards apart, but close enough to hear each other.

“What?” Elijah said with a nervous laugh. “What are you talking about, Tayshia?”

“I’ve always wanted to be good enough for everyone.” She frowned, staring at the wet pavement beneath her. Beside them, cars zoomed by, louder as they neared and quieter as they passed. “I’ve never wanted to be the best. I’ve always just wanted to be enough for everyone. But it always seems like no matter what I do—what I learn, who I fight, who I love—it’s not going to be enough. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m the one who’s out of place in my own story. I wonder if I’m the side character in a narrative that belongs to someone else.”

Elijah took a step toward her, but Ash’s arm shot out to stop him. He did, but not without some resistance.

Tayshia lifted her gaze from the ground. Ash’s stomach did another turn.

Her eyes were full of tears. He could see them shimmering in the streetlight.

“I knew Kieran and I weren’t going to end up together. I knew it wasn’t possible for us to work after Paris—after I was—” She let out a dejected sigh and looked down again. “I knew it wasn’t a good match. But our families were so sure. I kept trying to make it work but it was like trying to hold fire in my hands. I’m not smart all the time. In fact, sometimes I wonder if I’m really that smart at all."

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Ash said, gazing at her through the rainfall. It was starting to pour, droplets clinging to his lashes and streaming down his face. “Maybe you’re right.”

“Dude,” Elijah growled in warning. “Come on.”

Ash started to reply, but a sound escaping Tayshia’s lips wrestled the words into nothingness. Panic rose inside of him.

“I just get tired sometimes,” she said, her voice cracking. “And then I want to cry.”

“So, cry,” Ash said, because it was all he could think to say. He took his hand away from Elijah’s chest, satisfied that his friend understood his silent wish, and then he put it back into his pocket. “And we’ll stand here with you while you do.”

Tayshia looked up at him, her lower lip and chin quivering. The tears in her eyes shone like the crystals around their necks. They overflowed, slipping down her cheeks one-by-one to join the sky’s tears.

“Yeah,” Elijah said, adding the words with a smile. “Go ahead, and we’ll be right here with you.”

“Okay.”

And then she began to weep.

Together, they stood in the rain as Tayshia let her emotions flow free. She held the hem of the front of her dress, twisting the fabric in a stressed manner as she indulged in quiet sobs. Her wet hair fell forward to curtain the sides of her face, shrouding it from view, and her shoulders shook from more than just the cold temperature.

Elijah turned his head away, likely out of respect, but Ash found that no matter how much he knew he should...he couldn’t look away. Something inside of him told him that to look away from her was to leave her in loneliness. They weren’t friends but after everything he’d put her through, the least he could do was stand here with her.

It was almost terrifying. It felt false. Like a surreal, lifelike version of one of his dreams. Except in his dreams of her, he wasn’t there. He was watching her life from afar like a movie.

But now, he was here. He was here and for some reason, he felt like he could imagine himself crossing the distance to her. He could see himself wrapping his arms around her. Which was strange, given that the only woman he’d ever embraced simply for the sake of comfort was his mother.

So, he watched her cry because it was all he could do. If Ash was good at something, it was giving what he could.

That was usually enough.

---

It took them a while to get home.

Ash had given Tayshia his hoodie to wear, since Elijah wasn’t wearing one. It dwarfed her frame, the sleeves nearly covering her fingers. Ash didn’t know how to explain why he liked the sight of it. It wasn’t that he thought it was attractive.

He just liked it.

“Are you going to be all right?” Elijah asked from Tayshia’s right side, his voice sounding odd and muted.

They’d just finished crossing the parking lot and were now standing on the sidewalk in front of Elijah’s car. Elijah was on Tayshia’s right and Ash was on her left. It felt like they were emerging from a bubble of time that existed separate from the rest of the world.

“Of course,” Tayshia said. “I think I had a feeling all along that something was going on. I guess I just didn’t want to believe it could be true.”

Ash was unsurprised. To everyone at Christ Rising, it seemed like anyone who acted like a good Christian was perfection incarnate—including Kieran and Tayshia. They were angels with halos of gold who carried no sins on their backs.

Though Ash himself wasn’t religious, he knew everyone had sins. It stood to reason Kieran would have some, too.

“I think we all like to believe the best of our friends,” Elijah said, his gaze meeting Ash’s over the top of Tayshia’s head. “But sometimes, we’re wrong about them.”

Ash tried not to grind his teeth together.

Elijah was his best friend, but the fact remained that they’d just had a fight that showed that Elijah didn’t think Ash was the best person. He knew that Elijah thought the worst of him, in spite of taking care of everything that needed to be taken care of when it came to Lizette’s death.

What if there was something else going on?

“Apparently,” Tayshia said in response to Elijah’s words. “I knew I was wrong, though. I knew it from the beginning. I just ignored it.”

Ash knew what that was like—ignoring the worst so he could hope for the best. Pretending that his father was the right one to follow. Pretending he was a good man and someone to look up to.

“So, what are you gonna do?” Elijah asked.

Tayshia looked pensive for a moment, her hands in her pockets, too. “I’m not going to give him a second chance, if that’s what you mean. I’m going to end things between us.”

“It’s for the best,” Elijah said, grimacing. “And like I said, I can talk to him for you.”

Ash wanted to tell him to quit acting like such a simpering little weasel, but he kept his mouth sewn shut.

“There’s no reason to talk to him,” Tayshia said, pulling Ash’s attention. Her tone had drifted back to its normal territory—clipped and almost haughty. “I’ll text him. And since he’s pathetic, he’ll probably never speak to me again. I can handle that. In any case, it’s not your responsibility. He’s my—he was my boyfriend.”

“Okay,” Elijah said, “but if you need me, let me know.”

At this, Ash wanted to sneer. He forced himself not to care, until feigned indifference smoothed his face blank.

Elijah was getting on his nerves.

“Thank you, Elijah.” Tayshia turned to him and held her arms out, giving Elijah another embrace in spite of the rain. The top of her head, still covered by the hood, tucked beneath his chin. She closed her eyes and exhaled in a way that showed she wasn’t as all right as she was trying to sound. “You’re a good friend.”

Ash’s fingers flexed at his sides.

“Of course, Tayshia.” Elijah hugged her back, a smile pulling up the corners of his lips. “And Kieran’s a dick. He’s literally gotta be an idiot to let a girl like you go.”

“Oh,” Tayshia said, sounding a bit embarrassed as she stepped out of the circle of Elijah’s arms. “Well, he’s not a complete idiot. I don’t know if I could let the years we’ve spent together as friends like, fade or anything. I mean, we’ve been friends since our families met at church. But it’s clear that we aren’t meant to be in a relationship. I wasn’t what he wanted and that’s...okay.”

Ash stared at her in incredulity. So forgiving, even when she was insecure. And insecurity didn’t seem like the sort of dress she liked to put on. It was so out of place on her person that he didn’t recognize her.

Not that he knew her well enough to know if there was anything to recognize.

And how the fuck could anyone not want her? he thought. She’s so...

What?

She was so...what?

He averted his eyes, feeling a bit off-center.

“I hope you’ll rethink that,” Elijah said, as if reading his mind. “He doesn’t deserve you as a friend, let alone a girlfriend.”

“I don’t think I will. But I can see why you think I should.”

After saying their goodbyes, Elijah went to his car and opened the door. Ash and Tayshia headed for the stairs.

“Do me a favor, Tayshia?”

Tayshia turned completely around.

“Yes, Elijah?”

“Promise me you’ll really think about it before you make your decision about keeping a friendship with Kieran,” he said, his expression concerned and pleading. “Just promise me you’ll think about it.”

Tayshia gave him a short nod and then set off up the stairs.

The boys looked at each another one final time. Ash found that he wasn’t quite sure what his friend was thinking. His expression was unreadable. However, after the small argument they’d had, Ash didn’t want to be able to read it.

He was already tired of hearing what Elijah really thought about him.

“Night, man,” Elijah said.

“Yeah.”

---

The apartment was dark.

The only source of light came from the window in the kitchen, and one of the lights adorning the side of the apartment complex’s outdoor walls. The rain had increased to a torrent, the clouds blocking the moon. The glass panes overlooked the backside of the complex, which sat atop a grassy hill leading down to a golf course next door.

Inside, it was quiet as Tayshia took the damp hoodie off and dropped it onto the floor in a sodding heap. If it weren’t for the fact that he felt bad for her, he might have reprimanded her for it.

Because what was the point of dropping it onto the floor when she could walk down the hall to the washer?

Ash sighed, standing in the opening of the hallway. Tayshia stood near the front door, looking at him. The darkness and quiet felt oppressive.

“I know you said not to,” she said in a soft voice, “but I’m going to thank you.”

Ash shrugged one shoulder, forgetting that she probably couldn’t see it.

“I don’t like to...show that side of myself,” she said. “Especially because I’m supposed to be a strong woman.”

“Supposed to be?” Ash lifted one eyebrow. “No one’s supposed to be anything other than themselves. I played that game for way too long. All it got me was a trial and jailtime, a dad in prison, and a dead mom. Don’t get caught in that trap.”

He turned to go, knowing that the only thing keeping the grief at bay from his own harsh words was his own distaste for himself.

A clink behind him caught him off guard, stopping him before he could go far. He turned right as the dining room light was clicked on. Tayshia was at the dining room table beside the kitchen bar, lifting two small plates and a bowl off of it.

“Oh, I didn’t see those,” he said of the dishes.

“I’ll clean them,” she said, the words tumbling out in a quick rush. “I’m sorry. I left them here earlier.”

Ash watched her carry them to the sink. He stood there for a moment, thinking about how he really wanted to change out of the rain-soaked clothing he wore, but something nagged at him to go to her.

Walking down the hall towards the kitchen, he entered it right as she turned the water on. She pushed the plug into the drain and began to fill the sink with dish soap and hot water.

He wasn’t sure which was more surprising: her washing dishes, or her washing them by hand.

Ash snuck up behind her, reaching around her for the dish in her hand, the warm water spilling over his fingers as he did so. She jolted, moving back on reflex only to be trapped against his chest with her damp hair brushing against his equally-damp shirt.

She went still.

Normally, he would kill to make her to do the dishes for once, but not today.

“What are you—”

He cut her off. “Don’t worry about it this time.”

She ducked underneath his arm and stood to the side of him, looking up at him with her mouth agape.

“But you hate—”

“I said..." He held her gaze, tilting his chin down, “...don’t worry about it.”

He washed the plate with the sponge and liquid soap, ignoring the slimy feeling and grime that he was sure would stain his fingernails. Maybe he was being dramatic, but yeah—he did hate washing dishes. Which was why he hated that she left them all over the common room. But if there was one thing he’d learned from watching his mother, it was that when people were sad because of the way others treated them, they didn’t deserve to stress.

“You don’t have to do that,” Tayshia said.

“To do what?” He set the plate on the dish rack and reached for the second plate.

She wrapped her hand over his fully to intercept him, fingers and thumb hooking around the sides of the back. The moment she did, their wet skin touching, he felt his stomach lurch. Tayshia frowned, looking at their hands.

Ash didn’t know what it was, but it felt like a hurricane had whipped up from the depths of his psyche to pummel him from all sides. It was different than anything he’d felt before now—different than the dreams, the weakness, the waters. It was too much.

His gaze snapped to hers.

“Drop my fucking hand.”

She held tighter and glared up at him, eyes piercing.

“You don’t have to tip-toe around me and treat me like glass just because I cried in front of you. It wasn’t an invitation. It was a—”

“A gift?” He clenched his teeth, gripping the plate with his other hand so tight that it hurt his knuckles. His stomach was spinning and swirling, urging him to do something, anything to relieve the ache inside of his heart. He didn’t know what it was or why it was happening.

Why wasn’t he pulling his own hand away?

“A gift.” She scoffed. “There’s no part of me that’s a reward, especially not my tears.”

“Then what were you thanking Elijah for? His presence?”

“Yes. And yours. I know kindness is a foreign concept to you, Ash, but when you do something kind, people typically like to thank you for it.”

“Ah, yes. I’d almost forgotten about your superiority complex. I thought it was because you were a good girl, but now I know it’s just you.”

He saw her gaze fall to his neck, traveling down along his arms, and then snapping back up.

“And I almost forgot who you really are. Tell me...if you fail a drug test, do you go back to jail, boo?”

Her taunting lanced through him, right to his core.

“There she is,” he snarled, turning his hand in her own, sliding it up, and wrapping his fingers around her wrist. She let out a cry as he yanked on it, bringing her up against his side. The side of her head brushed against his chest. "The hissing, spitting cat I know so well.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she snapped. “I can’t cry because it doesn’t fit the good girl narrative? It doesn’t remind you of the cold, icy bitch you hate so much? Afraid it’ll make you feel something like compassion for me?”

“You can cry. Just don’t thank me for standing and watching you do it. I don’t need the charity of your gratitude for doing what the fuck I want.”

She reached for his right hand with her left, lacing her fingers with his. It boxed her in-between his arms again. As much as he knew it was because she was challenging him, arguing and bickering because she was offended and angry—he liked it. He liked the feeling of her hand in his own.

He wanted to know what it felt like to hold it all the time.

“Why? Do you like it, or something?” she said, tone snide. “Do you like watching me cry?”

Ash let go of her wrist. Before he could stop himself, he leaned forward, curled his dripping fingers around her chin, and tilted her face up to look into his eyes.

“I don’t like watching you cry, Tayshia. I like watching you fall apart. And I like watching you fall apart because it means you’re just like the rest of us. You’re not perfect. And just because Kieran couldn’t accept your imperfections doesn’t mean that no one else will. It doesn’t matter if you weren’t good enough for him. There’s other people who are fine with you just the way you are. Stop trying to fucking hold it together and be perfect all the time. You certainly don’t need to do it for me.”

Without warning, her face crumpled like a stack of cards.

She burst out into tears. Sobbing, right there at the kitchen sink with the water running, their fingers intertwined, and his hand on her chin.

It didn’t feel uncomfortable.

There was something familiar in the scent that hovered around her hair. He could smell the floral fragrance of her perfume just as well as he could smell the autumn in the drying raindrops on her damp hair. The weight of her pressing into him felt as welcoming as he imagined it would feel to embrace his mother.

He wished he could do that just one more time.

“See?” he murmured, his hands releasing her. With some hesitation, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, one elbow bending so he could cup the back of her head. It felt right. He didn’t know why. It just did. “Cry. Just don’t lose yourself to how bad it hurts.”

“I’m sorry,” she said between sobs, her tears soaking a shirt that was already damp. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hush. Do what I tell you, and cry.”

Her weeping paused, the sound suspended in the air as she took a gasping breath. Then, the silence collapsed and she fell into her emotions again. Ash wrapped his arms more tightly around her, holding her upright. The feeling of her against him was nothing compared to the way the sobs were wrenching their way out of her gut.

It reminded him of the day he’d lost his mom and how hard he’d cried in his cell that night.

Ash clenched his teeth and turned his face up to the ceiling for a second. He fought his own emotions, feeling overwhelmed and despaired.

This wasn’t like hugging his mom at all.

Tayshia cried until the water ran cold, and then she jumped away from him. He lifted his arm so she could move back a few steps.

“I’m sorry,” she said, frantic as she scrubbed at her face. “So embarrassing.”

He could still see her cheeks tracked with moisture, but he didn’t tell her that. He simply returned to washing the plate.

She went on, “Thank you for being there for me, and you’re right. I won’t let it eat me up, and I’ll handle my business better. You and Elijah are both good friends.”

Ash looked at her in surprise, a lock of his hair falling forward that he couldn’t touch due to his wet hands. Of all the things he was to her, he didn’t think she considered him a friend. All they ever did was fight.

Tayshia Cole and Ash Robards, friends?

He didn’t know how he felt about that.

“Good night, Ash,” she said.

“Yeah.”

Ash finished the last couple of dishes, washed his hands, and then dried them. After that, he pulled out his phone. There were still two hours left in the day—two hours that it was still her birthday. He could let Kieran be the lowlight and Elijah be the highlight of her twentieth birthday.

Or he could do better than both of them.

Ash passed the bathroom on the way, seeing the light filtering out from beneath it. Good. She wouldn’t notice him leaving.

Grabbing his car keys, Ash headed out the door, locking it behind him so Tayshia would be safe.

---

He returned with a glittering purple gift bag.

There had only been one store open this late. While there, he’d been one of the few people in the store, so he hadn’t encountered the problem he had with the elderly woman like he had before. It was a breeze to wander the aisles and throw whatever he wanted into the basket.

He wasn’t the best at gifts but he figured he did all right.

Right as he entered the hallway, the bathroom door swung open. Tayshia walked out, eyes puffy and nose sniffling. She reached to turn off the light, then gasped when she saw Ash standing there.

He hid the bag behind his back.

“Did you leave?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “You good?”

“I’m fine. Was Quinn’s stuff out there?”

“No, I didn’t see it. Did you—”

“I texted her and told her I knew, and to come get it. Then I put it on the mat outside the front door. I guess she came by.”

She still had her dress on, but she’d removed her torn nylons and her brown legs were bare. She’d pulled her new hairstyle back into two buns at the side of her head, right above each ear. Her bangs were choppy across her forehead, framing her face. Her face, with terracotta brown skin that looked as soft as gardenia petals, and lips that were pouty and full.

Damn, he thought, nearly losing his train of thought. She looks—

“What did you need?” she asked, hazel eyes wide.

—cute as fuck.

“Tell me, did Kieran get you a birthday present?” he asked.

She opened her mouth, averted her eyes in thought, and then frowned. “Not that I can remember. I think he bought me dinner a few years ago. But that was because our parents insisted. Why?”

Ash held the gift out to her.

Appearing shocked, Tayshia took it from him, their fingers brushing in the process. An answering whip of feeling lashed through his abdomen. He’d learned something about her tonight.

Her hands were soft.

“What’s this for?” she asked, looking inside of the large bag.

“You deserve nice things,” he said, echoing Elijah in spite of his earlier irritation with him. “Remember that when you’re texting them, trying to keep the friendships.”

She gave him one last look, this time with a hint of an excited smile, and then she sank to a crouch on the floor in the light the bathroom gave off. Ash crossed his arms over his chest and shouldered the wall, feeling a bit of satisfaction as he watched her tearing the tissue paper out. She withdrew a pair of gold earrings first, pursing her lips as she looked up at him.

“Why hoops?”

“Because I like them,” he said, smirking. “Problem?”

“Oh. All right.”

Next, she pulled out an oversized black sweater. Holding it up, he saw her eyes widening.

“Oh, shit—this is cute! Thanks. You know my style, it looks like.”

“Mm.”

He watched her pull out a pair of headphones and give him a stunned expression. “You did not.”

“I did.”

“These are—”

“And?” He was trying not to let his smirk turn into a grin.

“Ash, these are extremely fucking expensive.”

“You’re welcome.”

She eyed him warily, looking him up and down, and then reached into the bag one final time. She pulled a box of chocolates out, reading the company name on the front. Her facial expression was unreadable as she turned it over and read the nutrition label, then turned it back over again.

“This is my favorite chocolate brand,” she said, her voice faint. “Thank you.”

“It was a guess,” Ash said, and then he pushed away from the wall. “Happy birthday.”

Without further conversation, he went to his bedroom.

A lot had happened today. A lot that didn’t make sense. The encounter with Kieran in the hallway, the argument and conversations with Elijah, and the strange intimacy of standing with Tayshia while she cried. Twice. It was all strange and weird and bizarre and just...

Why did he feel so exhausted?

Later, as his head relaxed into the softness of his pillows, he realized what he’d seen there in her eyes as she gazed upon the chocolates.

Terror.